A man walks into a doctor's office....

September 08, 2019 2 min read

A man walks into a doctor's office....

Here’s the situation: You’re feeling a bit under the weather, so you visit your doctor.  The nurse takes your vitals, gets the paperwork ready – but when you the doctor walks in he throws it in the trash.  

“I know exactly how to fix the problem,” he smirks.  “The only way to cure your cold is with an arthroscopic procedure, supported by platelet-rich plasma to remove the inflamed clasperlocated in your thoracic cavity.”

You were expecting a Tylenol, so an unexpected medical procedure gets your attention.  “Doctor, you have to remove my… clasper?  I’ve never even heard of that organ before.”

“Well, inflammations have been plaguing mankind since the beginning of time,” he mutters, waving his hand in the air. 

This solves exactly none of your confusion.  “Ok great.  But you said my clasper is inflamed.  What is that?”

The doctor shakes his head.  You’re just not getting it.  “Medical technology has advanced so much in the 20th Century that removal of non-vital organs is nothing but a simple out-patient procedure.”

As calmly as you can, you stare him in his beady little eyes.  “Doc, tell me just one thing.  What.  Is.  A.  Clasper?”

The doctor now squirms a little, even as he rolls his eyes.  “I don’t know.”

You stare back blankly.  Two seconds later you’ve Googled the term: “Clasper: a pair of appendages under the abdomen of a male shark or ray, or at the end of the abdomen of a male insect, used to hold the female during copulation.”

The doctor asserts: “I think it’s maybe the thing on the shoulder that goes up.”

You can barely speak through your jaw fallen onto the floor.  “How can a doctor who’s gone through all those years of professional training at a medical school -?”

“Whoa whoa whoa!  Whoever said I went to med school?”

“Then what are you even doing running a medical practice?!” 

“Oh, I have office interns do the research, and work really hard on looking authoritative.  Patients love that.” 

Okay, suitably horrified?  Then please consider this exchange between Tucker Carlson and United States Congresswoman Carolyn McCarthy:

As shocking as it may seem, many elected officials have minimal training or the historical context of the second amendment let alone the constitution, yet they’re the ones who are making legislation that will forever affect the citizen’s right to bear arms.

The doctor story?  Yeah, it’s a little silly... but it’s also pretty darn close.  You aren’t going to accept that type of behavior from someone who watching over your health, so why do the American people feel content to accept this type of ignorance from the folks who are making decisions about our basic rights?

Let’s please do our part at the polling stations.  Don’t just find the answers that tickle your ears; do the research, and vote for intelligent representatives who’ve done the research as well.   

And to end on a more cheerful note, here is a thing on the shoulder that goes up:


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